Oh, I am a terrible blogger! A soon as I develop a bit of a roll (2 or 3 posts), I get overwhelmed with home, work, whatever. This is exactly why my screenwriting career never got off the ground (that combined with the fact that I have no idea what makes a solid dramatic character). So consider this a wail to my Muse: I repent! Grant me another chance to write something interesting. Or at least give me a good title. Ah, "Of milk and men". Thank you, thank you.
This is a topic that many fathers will relate to. Milk is the thing that makes you wholly inadequate. Actually the lack of it. But getting it from the mother can also be a challenge. Sometimes there is not enough. Then what do you do? At 4 AM, men spring into action. Men are all about action. If there is a problem, we move to fix it. Simple.
So began our odessey into the world of formula. Our child was hungry, the milk was depleted, so we supplemented with formula. It worked. And then it didn't. Formula has side effects, like gas for instance. Doesn't sound that bad, right? Gas, big deal, right? Babies don't see things this way.
Gas=pain. Pain=screaming. Screaming=new type of formula to reduce gas.
Men act and then react. But this line of logic has further side effects. Soy formula can cause constipation. And that means more screaming. So men buy formula that is supplemented with enzymes to break down the lactic acid...are you sensing an evil marketing plan here? Every step into the more exotic worlds of formula bring more expense, as every concoction contains more processes and additives than its proletarian predecessor. If it's more expensive it must be better and designed to solve our specific problem, right?
Alas, none of this makes sense in the end. Woman finally throws Man's foolish solutions away, the baby reverts to its normal cycle in a matter of days. And it's over.
So this male model of affecting the world (identifying the problem, crafting a solution, acting on that solution, gauging the results, adjusting the solution), this does not work in Nature. Nature has its own plan and ways. Ways that are designed to frustrate and confuse the rational mind. So men not only have no milk, but no milk sense.
The best-laid plans o' milk an' men, gang aft a-gley. Amen Robert, amen.
What sucks even more, is that the boob is the ultimate calmer/tranquilizer. Sure I can take the baby out by myself, but god forbid if he starts to get irate. I can pacify, swaddle, and sway till the cows come home, but never will any have the ultimate calming power of the boob.
Posted by: Gregg | February 17, 2007 at 10:21 PM